#5: Dwelling on the tragedy.

The morning of June 15, 2004 I went to check on Aiden who slept in the bassinet at the end of my bed. I found him. That image will never wash. That image has been permanently scarred, and for years that is all I saw when I closed my eyes, or even thought of Aiden. There were three defining moments for me throughout the experience that I dwelled on and could not stop thinking about:

1.) Finding Aiden that morning;
2.) Seeing my son, my Aiden, my baby, in a casket;
3.) Leaving Aiden at the cemetary to be buried.

Tragic, yes. Sad, yes. But is this really how his memory should serve me? Am I really remembering Aiden the way he would want me, his Mommy, to remember him? No.

Aiden is more than just my baby that I had to bury. Aiden is more than a SIDS baby. Aiden is more than the tragedy. Aiden is still the baby who laughed, almost relentlessly, in his swing; he loved his swing.

Aiden is still the baby who cuddled with me when I watched my favorite TV shows late at night.

Aiden is still the baby who would lay his head just under my chin as I felt his heart against my own.

Not that the tragedy of our loss should be forgotton, but the celebration of our children's lives should be remembered, always.