#5: Dwelling on the tragedy.
The morning of June 15, 2004 I went to check on Aiden who slept in the bassinet at the end of my bed. I found him. That image will never wash. That image has been permanently scarred, and for years that is all I saw when I closed my eyes, or even thought of Aiden. There were three defining moments for me throughout the experience that I dwelled on and could not stop thinking about:
1.) Finding Aiden that morning;
2.) Seeing my son, my Aiden, my baby, in a casket;
3.) Leaving Aiden at the cemetary to be buried.
Tragic, yes. Sad, yes. But is this really how his memory should serve me? Am I really remembering Aiden the way he would want me, his Mommy, to remember him? No.
Aiden is more than just my baby that I had to bury. Aiden is more than a SIDS baby. Aiden is more than the tragedy. Aiden is still the baby who laughed, almost relentlessly, in his swing; he loved his swing.
Aiden is still the baby who cuddled with me when I watched my favorite TV shows late at night.
Aiden is still the baby who would lay his head just under my chin as I felt his heart against my own.
Not that the tragedy of our loss should be forgotton, but the celebration of our children's lives should be remembered, always.
1.) Finding Aiden that morning;
2.) Seeing my son, my Aiden, my baby, in a casket;
3.) Leaving Aiden at the cemetary to be buried.
Tragic, yes. Sad, yes. But is this really how his memory should serve me? Am I really remembering Aiden the way he would want me, his Mommy, to remember him? No.
Aiden is more than just my baby that I had to bury. Aiden is more than a SIDS baby. Aiden is more than the tragedy. Aiden is still the baby who laughed, almost relentlessly, in his swing; he loved his swing.
Aiden is still the baby who cuddled with me when I watched my favorite TV shows late at night.
Aiden is still the baby who would lay his head just under my chin as I felt his heart against my own.
Not that the tragedy of our loss should be forgotton, but the celebration of our children's lives should be remembered, always.